Lisa Schupp


Screaming. Screaming louder when sinking deeper in. There is no power left. Powerless… Cannot help it! Sinking deeper! Cannot get out! What is happening?! A strong power is taking me with it. It is pulling me down. From one second to the other it is pulling even harder. HELP! I cannot get out! I am too weak to get out by myself! But wait! What is that?! There is something! Is it touching me? What is happening? There! There is a hand! A hand?! Just a hand? How can that be? Totally insecure… Scrambling… No power left to get up… But wait - I have to get up! I have to get out of here! HELP!

Where is the hand? There it is!!! Oh, there is a man! He is gripping me! What is he doing? Will he help me? Or just putting me further down?? I don’t wanna die! You have to pull me out! NOW! Oh he really is pulling me out! Pull stronger! You have to pull stronger!! Come on! What’s the problem? UP! OUT! FASTER!

And then. Nothing. Inner silence. Emptiness. Making place for grief. Grief? Why? What happened? Pieces… Memories… Pieces of memories are coming back… I’m beginning to remember… What did exactly happen?


My wife! Where is my wife? I remember! She is not with me anymore! She did not make it! I have to get her back! She is still down there! She did not make it! But… What is that?! I can still hear her scream! Imagination? Adrenaline?


Leave me! Leave me alone! You have to let me go! I need to get her back! I will get her back! I would die to get her back! This man… He still is pulling me out… NO! I need to get back! I have to save her! That is not fair! Let me go!!!

Feeling ground. Feeling exhaustion… Where am I? What did happen? Emptiness. But. Emptiness suddenly filling with grief. Emptiness suddenly filling with pain. Feeling the pain of a great loss… She is gone! My wife! She is gone! It can’t be true!

Loss. Pain. Grief.


Unbearable pain.

Unstoppable grief.

The pain is killing me.


Unbelievably strong….


The wheel of life. Unstoppable. Spinning fast. Endless spinning.  The wheel of life in its unstoppable spinning, till death. Not even letting us out. Its spinning force is dragging us away… It is dragging us with it. Spinning… Forever…